This is a bit dark. I would advise that it may disturb you. So read with caution. I wanted to show the woman’s slow descent into fury and realization at the whole world around her. Realizing she’s helpless and that her body is not hers. This currently does not have a title. My “N” key is stuck, so I apologize if there might be a few “N”s missing. I went over it and tried to catch every missed one. Leave your thoughts below.
By: Samm Sanity
My name’s Madison. I’m 24. I never wanted this and my husband and I tried very hard to prevent it. I absolutely hate this child I was forced to have. My body is no longer my own.
Throughout the pregnancy I was told that I would grow to love It. That I would create a bond with It. But I have yet to create this bond that everyone still tells me I will. They try to tell me that every woman will, and make examples of those who used to despise children and then grew to love theirs. This doesn’t sway me. It never will. If we could have afforded the operation, or even trusted it, I would have aborted this child in an instant.
But that’s not how things are done anymore.
People were bribed and blackmailed. Hell, politicians have always been crooked, they’re not that hard to persuade. Eventually it made it all the way to the top and passed. The pro-lifers have won. Women’s bodies are no longer their own, we have no choice in what we do with our own bodies. Abortion is illegal. You can get your hands on marijuana before you can contraceptives. Even leaving the kid at a church or orphanage results in consequences, nothing so major as being caught selling condoms and contraceptives, but still not something you’d want to deal with.
My husband and I used to have a friend who could get us the pills for much cheaper. We were well off for a while. He would visit monthly with whatever we could possibly need. It was a godsend. My husband and I both dislike children, we didn’t want any. Abstaining from sex could also have prevented this, but let’s be real here. At least in my husband and I’s personal opinions, we quite enjoy it and safe sex should be something we should all have access to.
But no. Abstinence is the only safe way they say. Sex only after marriage, never before. A child is punishment for any pre-marital sinners. But what about us married couples who do not want a child?
But, oh! A child is a gift and we should, no, need to procreate! It’s not a choice. What I want is of no concern. I am to keep this child alive and well.
But anyway. That friend. Yes, he was arrested long ago for, yes you guessed correctly, possession and distribution of contraceptives and preventative measures for sex. We had a small supply, but we burned through that quickly. We tried to not have sex, but that obviously didn’t work. If It had I wouldn’t have It.
It, is the child. I don’t remember the name we gave it. It’s almost a year old. I still do not feel any attachment to this child. I go through the motions and keep It alive. I’d rather give it to someone who would love it more than I. At least give the child a loving home. But no.
There are so many people who cannot afford children, but are forced to keep them. My husband and I supported each other comfortably. But now we struggle a bit. The price of taking care of a child has not decreased and there is no help for those who need it. No. They, pro-life supporters, only care that the child is born. They do not care for the woman’s well-being, mental well-being, or her financial status.
There are many underground markets and abortionists. Not all the abortionists are trustworthy or qualified. No matter the skill, they are all expensive. Any and all failed abortions are broadcast across the airwaves to further the pro-life supporters’ agenda. They are used to scare us women into line. To keep us pure.
Even though it is even more of a risk, many women have taken to performing their own abortions. These very rarely ever succeed. These are also broadcast without any sympathy for the women. There are more deaths these days, and men greatly outnumber women.
Young girls are tested for abstinence in schools. How this is? Hymen I suppose. Although that is’t supposed to break whether you have sex or not. So their little tests are flawed, and little girls are touched by these “professionals” for no good reason. They do not have a choice in this matter or these tests. They’re forced to let these strangers put their hands places they do not belong or their parents face consequences.
They also tell these little girls, all children really, that they should be thankful to be here. That their parents love them because they didn’t kill (abort) them. Only parents that hate their children would kill their child. Their parents love them, and they use this as one of their points in why the girls should do these tests willingly. Your parents loved you enough to not kill you, don’t get them into big trouble by not participating willingly.
They cannot really punish premarital sex anyway. What can they really do? They consider the fetus to be the punishment. Most are just ostracized by the general public and peers.
My older sister was burdened with a child she didn’t want, nor could she afford. She was mentally unstable to begin with and I suppose that could have played a part in her death. She had stabbed and gouged her stomach repeatedly one day, partial way through her pregnancy. It was a terrible scene. The supporters blamed it on her mental stability, saying she should have been monitored during her pregnancy. To protect the child.
To protect the child.
They didn’t give two shits about my sister or her well-being. They used her as yet another example to straighten out girls. She didn’t deserve to be treated as part of their little lessons. They have no respect for us, just the children.
I miss my big sis.
Our bodies are not our own. There have been multiple cases on the news of women being raped and forced to keep the child.
“There are two lives that now need compassion,” they say, “Would you treat this child any different just because it’s a child of rape,” is their excuse.
It’s absolutely sick.
Most of these woman commit suicide soon after, killing themselves and the child. No compassion for them after their death though. No. They are selfish for killing this lump of cells that was literally forced upon them. Oh, yes, they’re the selfish ones. This lump of cells holds more importance than the life and well-being of these women. Of any woman.
My body. Who even believes they can control what I do with my own body? No. No one has the right to do that, they shouldn’t have that right. Why are we being punished? What are we being punished for? The children are the real ones being punished. Being brought into a world, a family, that may not be able to support them. Just as many children die because their family cannot afford them. But do the supporters care? No. Just as long as that fucking bundle of cells is okay. Is protected! We must protect that child!
Sick. Absolutely sick.
Oh. Where has he gone? I was just holding him. I think.
I see the bundle lying on the floor, across the room. A dark puddle has formed beneath the bundle. A dark, dripping, stripe leads from that puddle up to a dent in the wall. Point of impact. It takes a moment to realize what I had done in my fury. I had thrown him across the room, into the wall. I killed my baby. I killed It.
I feel numb at first, then nothing.
It’s not until hours later that I realize I had had that bond. Right before the trigger clicks and the world goes black.
~ Samm Sanity