Late Night Ramblings…

Currently Listening To: “Lost Boy” -Ruth B

 

Hey. It’s been a bit since I’ve written any kind of proper post. October was hectic and I’ve been busy and in a slump. But I’ve recently been coming out of my blocked and depressive state. I’ve been finishing short stories and abandoned sketches and creating new. I cannot sleep, so I thought I’d sit here and tell you guys about some things that have happened the past month and other things.

 

So, first was that I was in a creative slump and block. I had no ideas for all my current projects. All my stories got put aside and I struggled with doing the things I already had done/things I enjoyed. Even though I love this season, the loss of daylight kills me. I love being outside, but the cold temps and short daylight are shit. On the warmer days I got outside and raked leaves to jump into them. Still haven’t been in the woods lately, even though I think the whole clown thing is settling down. That’s just too much for my little anxious spaz self.

I also finally recieved my big, dream, Goth, boots. Fucking love them. I’ve been wearing them religiously and loving it. They’re super easy to walk in and I’m tall! As long as my little sister doesn’t put on her heels, I’m as tall as her, hehe ūüėÄ I bought them from Drew Disaster and they are perfect. *o*

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Speaking of little sister. Guess who got her first job? ūüėÄ Whee! I’m so happy. She started on Halloween, so I went trick-or-treating alone, but I brought her plenty candy back.¬†

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I¬†love my costume this year. I was a Forest Fae. I made the bulk of it from a 2xl pair of pants from the thrift store and then random scraps of fabric I had around. And who knew I had boobs? I surely didn’t, but it looks like I have some in the picture. Woop! The power of illusion!

I also adore my make-up, especially the brows. I may need to just do this make-up regularly. I feel so pretty c:

Brows. I have been loving my brows this month. They look pretty cool :3
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Especially those bat brows. I wore those so much this past month. They’re super easy and gorgeous.

 

So, earlier in the school year, I finished three clases in one week. That meant I needed to pick a few more (I only have elective credits left to get). I decided to take German. It was the only thing that really piqued my interest. One of my favorite artists (Anna Blue) is German and I’d love to listen to her German versions of her songs instead of the English. I have two friends in Germany, and Germany is on the list of places to visit (after Japan and Ireland :3). It can’t hurt to learn a new language.¬†

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This fucking U with two dots over it. Like the explanation they gave for prouncing it… ¬†“Pronounced by rounding lips as if to whistle and without moving lips, say the ee in bee” It does not sound any different than if I were to not purse my lips and say the ee sound. Everything else is pretty easy picking up, but this goddamn U. It’s pissing me off.

Also, in the middle of me working through the class, someone decides to fucking update the program and I lose all progress I made. When I first saw that it showed I had no progress, I started panicking and it was just not a good morning. My mom was contacting people who weren’t very helpful and just insinuated that I hadn’t even started the class, even though I have a notebook filled with the goddamn notes. So I had to go back through and redo the classes to get my progress back, so that no teachers would yell at me for not having any progress.¬†

Fuck you whoever decided that in the middle of the year was a good time to update the fucking program. You probably fucked up everyone’s fucking progress. I was damn near an anxiety attack. Fuck you. And you know what, the new program fucking sucks. It doesn’t give all the translations and it’s very hard on my eyes and my grasping of the language. The old was perfectly fine the way it was. (needs to take a breather, she cannot properly construct a coherent sentence without the word fuck)

 

Anyone, let’s move onto something happier and less stressful.

I wanna buy this pattern and make a million of these. I don’t need a million, but I want a million anyway.
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The girl modeling the hoods even looks like a pixie(I want her face)! I neeed this pattern. I wanna make a pixie hooded dress. :c Gaaah. These are so cute! (more incoherent babbling)

 

I also have two little exciting pieces of news. One I’m going to save for later. But I’ll let you guys in on the other one. c:¬†

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I have started undergoing setting up an online store. I’ve been working hard on getting pictures and listing everything. Right now it’s just the jewelry (it will be utter hell listing all those bows). I have a few clothing pieces up too. All I need to do is take a trip to the post office to get some quotes on shipping prices so I can set up shipping prices. After that, I will be opening the store and you guys will be the first to know. c: I am really excited for this and cannot wait to get started on this new endeavor. I hope you guys will find something as well if you’re interested. I may even add some of my old clothes as well (a yard sale full of babybat clothes doesn’t sell well…)

Hopefully I can get that all set up soon.

 

So I think I’ve said everything I need to. Hopefully I will get back to regular posts and even posting some short stories soon. c: I’m slowly getting my creative spark back and some of my motivation. So maybe keep an eye out for all that. c: Now I need to get to bed. It’s nearly two a.m., haha.

Bye guys~

 

~Samm Sanity

Oh…

So I was just scrolling through Tumblr and I come across a tour dates list post for Blood on the Dance Floor and usually I keep scrolling past these things (becasue I’m generally broke/can’t get to the venue anyway) but something caught my eye. The picture of the tour dates had “final tour” on it. So, I began scrolling through and found many posts about “final tour” and “get the final¬†BOTDF cd”.

So I continue my search through the Blood on the Dance Floor Facebook page to find out my favorite band is no more. I have utterly no clue what has happened as I have been absent from most of social media for the past month or so, all I’ve gathered is that Jayy has left and the band is broken up. This is so sad to find out. Blood on the Dance Floor is my favorite band and I just want to share a little bit.

I found Blood on the Dance Floor when I was around thirteen. I remember the first song I heard was “Ima Monster”. I have no idea what about that song made me want to listen to more, but I enjoyed the sound and wanted more. So I explored more and they slowly became my favorite band.

I remember only listening to their music though headphones because I knew my mom would probably shit bricks to hear the lyrics. It was a long while before I ever freely listened to the band without fear of anyone hearing it. I also remember “illegally downloading” songs from those song dowloading sites and putting them onto my music player. I still have all those songs on that old music player and I still listen to it religiously when I need portable music.

The first cd I ever bought was the Evolution cd. I was sixteen. I had gotten so excited in f.y.e and my mom had no idea what the fuck was going on when I was trying to incoherently explain to her why I was an overly happy mess. Then I was doubly excited when I opened the cd to find a poster inside. My first cd and poster all at once and I still have both. The poster hasn’t moved from my wall since I got it. c:¬†

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My first online order¬†was from the Blood on the Dance Floor online store. It was for the Epic/All The Rage cd pack. All The Rage is my favorite BOTDF cd and that hasn’t changed. Over the years I have bought more BOTDF cds/merch to help support my favorite band. I recently found a BOTDF band shirt in the thrift store and I was so overjoyed.¬†

As I have always said, I don’t have a favorite song from the band, I love so many of them. Some of my favorites are Loveotomy, P.L.U.R, Mercy, The Last Dance, Mosh and Roll, Siq With A Q, The whole Bad Blood album…

The band and their music means a lot to me and I’m going to miss them. While I could definitely aford to go to the last show in my state, I do not have the trasnportation ~ which is always my problem, heh. Now is when I wish I could drive, haha. c:¬†

It’s been a great few years of music from them and I only wish the best for both of them in their endeavors. It’s been a great ride and I wonder what will come now.

This was a hard post to write.I know some of you guys are also fans of Blood on the Dance Floor and I’d love to hear your own stories. What’s your favorite song? Do you remember when you first discovered them? Let me know below. c:¬†

 

SGTC Forever ~ ‚̧
Samm Sanity

Gaah…

Currently Listening To: “Partners in Crime” -Set It Off Ft. Ash Costello

 

Of course I get sick the week of the Mother’sday event! And it’s my absolute most hated kind of sick ~ sore throat (perhaps strep). This and vomiting are my least favorite kinds of sick. Fortunately, there is not vomiting, and hopefully there will not be any. I really hope this goes away before Friday. If I lose my voice/am sick, I will not be able to talk to anyone coming up to my little booth thing.¬†

And even if I wanted to go to the doctor’s office, I cannot as I do not have insurance. But I probably would not go anyway. I hate strep tests, my gag reflex is super sensitive ~ really strong mouthwash sets it off (forever using kids mouthwash). The whole thing is just unpleasant. Plus, now I need to be extra sanitary when working with the last few things I need to finish. I am keeping hand sanitizer on my desk to use frequently while sewing/painting/etc…

 

Have any of you guys seen that rainbow highlighter? I actually find it intriguing and want it so that I can look like a fae creature. I’ve never been this encaptivated by a popular kind of make-up product. It’s really cool. I’ve seen a few DIY videos to make it myself. I have plenty of rainbow palattes I could use for it, I just need highlighter. I don’t know. ¬†I may DIY it or wait until it comes back in stock and maybe get it. It’s really weird that I am so in love with it. I feel like some of you guys would love it too. Gaaah, it’s perfect for fae looks! ;o;

 

Oh hey! I got my first pair of Demonia boots the other day. I found them in my thrift store for two dollars! At first I wasn’t sure if they were a 6 or 9, and I wasn’t aware it was a Demonia (although they looked familiar for some reason) and I decided if they were a 6 I’d alter them and sell them, and if a 9 I’d keep them. So I was looking inside the shoe for a size with one of those helpful underscore line things under the number and saw that they were Demonia boots. :3 So flipping happy. (they did indeed turn out to be a 9, I wore them practically out of the store xD)¬†

I do take an extra pair of boots with me when I wear them because they are heels and I need to get them broken in as they were in pretty near new condition when I found them. Now I know what size I should get when I save up and order the big ol’ chuncky boots I want c: Eeee. So much excitement.

 

I made a quick, very excited, video on the whole thing. Hehe. 

 

Speaking of my favorite thrift store. I may need to find a new favorite. Whoever is in the back pricing things has had way too much to drink. Goodness. They’re prices are rivaling Goodwill’s. All the prices are rising so much. It’s almost unreasonable. Like, these clothes and things are all used ~ I can go to Walmart and get a brand new plain black tank top for two bucks. At Goodwill and my favorite thrift store, I’m paying 3-4 dollars for a tank top, plain or not. Fucking christ, these clothes are used, they should not be the price of brand new clothes. Goodwill has always pissed me off in this way. They’re prices for used clothing (and etc..) are almost (or exactly) the same price as brand new. Now I understand with the shipments of brand new clothes they get in, but not the used donations. That’s utter bullshit.

Now my favorite thrift store is raising prices. My little sister found a plain white skirt the other day for 5 dollars in there. Goodness. I feel like this is petty to complain about, but for people that actually depend on thrift stores to get by this is a problem. I fortuantely was lucky enough that (before I had a job) once a year, usually the beginning of the school year, my mom would try to get my sister and I new clothes for school. It was usually by way of vouchers, but I was still quite fortunate to be able to have brand new clothes. (although I have no problem with secondhand, but at that time I never knew there were places like these, if I had, little baby bat me would not have just wore boys’ shirts and jeans).¬†

Back to my point. Some people cannot afford to buy brand new and depend on secondhand stores to even be clothed. So why should the prices of used things be the same as brand new? It’s utterly ridiculous.¬†

 

Gaah, never intended to go into a full on rant. I just started rambling and it happened >< Sorry. (Although any thoughts you have on the subject are appreciated)

 

I need to get back to sewing. I really should be resting, but I can’t stay still long enough. I need to be doing things and this damn sickness will not defeat me! D:<¬†

Anyway, how are all of you? Anything new going on? Thoughts on unreasonably high prices for donated clothing? Let me know c: I shall talk to you guys later (if I haven’t died from this sore throat)

Bye!

 

~Samm Sanity

And The Poster Saga Continues

Currently Listening To: “What The Hell” -Avril Lavigne

 

Heh, starting the year bitching ~ but hey that is what I am good at. ><

 

To continue the saga of not receiving what I’ve paid for…. ¬†
Anyway, I sent another email to Bloond on the Dance Floor on November 24th, repeating what was said in every single other one I’ve sent. I mentioned when the last email was sent and that I still hadn’t received the poster. I also included my name and tracking number, since they asked for that last time, to save time. I received a reply December 19th that it would be sent out ~ yet again.¬†

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So, it’s currently January 6th. Not a month yet, so no ultra bitching just yet. I’m still waiting patiently. For the most part I’ve given up any hope of ever getting that stupid poster or anything. And that sucks.

 

So as you all already probably know, I made an order in February of last year. I got two of the items I paid for, but not the poster. I sent several emails after that and still have yet to receive the damn thing. 
So I visted the site and they obviously still have stock of the poster ~ the price has been jacked up and it’s not being offered as autographed anymore, but it’s still there. So I don’t know what the problem here is. It’s really pissing me off. I’m not getting what I paid for, and after several emails, nothing has been done to my knowledge. This is no way to do business. Especially considering how much they’ve really been jacking up the prices of things. I went on there tonight, after not visting the site for months, to find many of the things I have purchased have been hiked up in price since then. If you’re going to charge that much, plus the excruciating cost of shipping, I better be getting the shit I’ve spent money on. Fuck!

 

Anyway.

I’d love to support my favorite bands. Hell if I had unlimited funds, I would support them all. But I’m not going to order anything from them again. To be honest, a stranger on ebay is more trustworhty of giving my money to than the actual band. If I ever need anything, I’ll be going to that stranger. Though I doubt I will need anything.¬†

For anyone curious, he is AustinAfterDark on ebay. He has tons of old BOTDF stuff and new things. They’re all very reasonably priced (last time I checked… which may have been a couple months ago) and he actually gets your shit to you. So yeah.¬†

Also, when I was checking the band’s site, I saw that they are somehow in contact with this Austin guy. I saw they had some listings for old BOTDF stuff and when I clicked on the items the description said to contact Austin. So I don’t know what’s actually happening, but whatever. Go to ebay first I suppose.

 

But anyway, that’s what is currently happening. I will (obviously) let you guys know what goes down next. I may just fucking give up on it. It’s so much hassle and anxiety for me. Sending the emails themselves takes so much working up to. I have anxieties with sending people emails (especially if I don’t personally know them). ¬†It’s just too stressful and anxiety-ridden for me to try to continue. So, honestly, this may be my last try at it. Wish me all the luck in the world, guys.¬†

 

~Samm

Hey There. Look at the Thoughts!

Currenty Listening To: “Loveotomy” -Blood on the Dance Floor

I had this on repeat for like fifteen minutes before realizing “Oh shit, this could fuck up my cd”. Yeah, I think I figured out my favorite BOTDF song. I always absentmindedly set the cd to repeat that song everytime I put in the cd and it gets to that song. xD I don’t do that with any other of my BOTDF cds. ¬†So hey, one mystery solved!

 

Anyway, speaking of BOTDF, I think I made a new friend. ^u^ Like an actual human being, not virtual. So there’s this cute girl at my local Speedway (for those that may not know ~ gas station/convience store). She works there and she is just all kinds of cute ~ she had a candy box on her head one day. Anyway, we always end up talking (well, as much talking as my dumbass can muster, I still have some difficulties with social interations) and one day she had asked if I liked BOTDF and I said yes it’s my favorite band. She then told me about her going to their concert thay had here a little while ago. ¬†/*o*/ ¬†She’s awesome. It brings me much joy to go in there. (She’s a former Scene kid. Like that’s even fucking cuter /)^.^(\ )

 

I’m taking a little break from sewing. I just decided to make yet another skirt out of some fabric I bought. I got this purple spider fabric on clearance. Since I made the last skirt with only one yard, I figured the one yard I had bought would be enough. It indeed is. I just hate hand sewing the hem x.x It’s the most tedious task. This time I’m taking some of that ~expensive as all shit~¬†netting and adding some to the bottom while I’m hemming it.¬†

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This skirt is going to be a bit longer. Not much though. The other one is 12 inches, this one is 15 inches plus the 3 inches of netting. So it goes down to my knees, but I know after I hem it and add a waistband it’ll end up shorter.

 

On the note of homemade skirts. I’m wearing the graveyard one tomorrow, because it’s my birthday tomorrow and I want to wear one of my favorite outfits. It’s a graveyard themed look ~ one of those rare times that everything I am wearing goes together! It shall be great!

Birthdays! I’m ging to be nineteen tomorrow. Gaah, I still don’t feel my age (or look it, but hey that’s not too bad). I’m still short. Still a Goth/Scene lovechild. I will most definitely still be mistaken as the younger sister. xD Ah well, just means I’ll look younger longer I suppose.¬†

 

I also saw that one of my favorite youtubers followed me on Tumblr (Wednesday Aleen). Although I feel like I was kind of a stalker the day she did. My dashboard was almost dead except for her posts, so I was going through and liking the cool posts and pictures (what I usually do when I get sucked into Tumblr) A little while after liking so many of her posts, she ended up following me. /).(\ I feel a  bit embarassed, but excited. 

On the subject of cool youtubers. Has anyone else heard Ofherbsandalters newest song she uploaded? Pussywhipped? Gods, that song is great and her vocals are amazing! It’s definitely my favorite fromm her album. Gaaah, I’ve had that on repeat this week. xD

 

Someone has fed my sock addiction. Haha. I lost my shit when opening the package I got in the mail the other day. I love absolutely everything ~ especially the socks. I was out walking around in freezing weather in a skirt/tights and doll shoes just so I could see my preeeetty socks. :3 I have also filmed a tasting video, because why not xD 

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Hehe, thank you so much Ramona! ^u^ (Everything arrived safely, except the pumpkin, he had a little bit of a mishap, but he’s all better now)

 

Also, I just ordered some of Jeffree Star’s white lipstick! I’m super excited for it! I get so many comments on the neon blue one, I can just imagine the comments the white will get xD It shall be great!

 

And to leave shit news for last. ¬†I have sent yet another email to the BOTDF e-mail/order help thingy. I still haven’t received that damn poster yet. I made a late night rant about it, but I don’t know if I’ll actually upload it or not. I just needed to vent and get it off my chest and have some more physical proof. I still have the receipt from the order, so I do have proof that I have paid for it. I just wish someone would get their ass in gear and tell me what the fuck is going on.¬†

 

So, that’s it for now. I shall post again some day! Can’t promise soon anymore xD I hope you guys are all having great days/weeks. Let me know what you guys are up to!

Byee!

 

~Samm Sanity

An Overdue Apology

Usually these serious, feelings, sad posts are made private, but I feel like this needs to be kept public. As it is an apology to a very nice and accepting community, who had every right to be angry with me. I recently revisited said site and it is completely abandoned and taken over by spam-bots. It is sad to see. Even though said site is dead, I shall still be posting this post to it regardless.

 

I don’t remember which video, but I briefly mentioned pissing off a whole Goth community/website when I was younger, in one of my videos.

I have been thinking about the site a lot. What got me to get back on was the newest chapter to my story. After posting it here, I remembered I had made a new account and was solely using it to post my story and get unbiased feedback. So I went on today, posted a few more chapters, and did some searching around. I guess I am glutton for punishment as I searched my old username. I found many of my old posts and they make me cringe and wonder what I was doing¬†back then. I was such a little monster and just looking back and reliving it again does not feel good. It was worse than I remember. I had left an apology once on there maybe 2 years ago, and I made the mistake of making the joke that “everyone’s least favorite dhampir is back”, which really fucked with my apology and I only made the joke to lighten the mood. But that was also inappropriate. I really need to atone for my horrendous and stupid behavior and make an actual apology.

 

This wasn’t so long ago, I was 13-14 and still in a bad mental place at that time. I don’t remember how I found the site, but I remember being quite excited to find it. I immediately posted random poems I had written. They weren’t that good… at all, but I was unsure what else to post first and decided my poetry was decent (at the time) and had a go at it. Plus, writing and delving into my fantasy worlds was all I seemed to do back then. I also took pride in my writings, even if I knew they sucked badly. Which is what started me off on the wrong foot.

Someone had made a harmless joke regarding one of the poems I posted. As I stated, I was not in a very good mental state at the time and took the joke way more serious than it ever could be. I ended up threatening the member. I apologized to her later, but damage had already been done.

I was also quite deep into a story I had been writing at the time and had taken on the character as my reality, but only online. I was much different offline, I only ever believed I was this character online. I don’t know what made me think it was ever a good idea to begin with, but I did indeed pretend to be this character, which had slowly become my reality online. I genuinely believed I was this character once online. Which may sound harmless, seeing as many people play something they’re not online to gain friends. But it was far from harmless. I posted so much, most of it terrible and nasty, a very small percent (if any) of it was actually normal and harmless shit.

I had taken on the role of my dhampir character. I wholeheartedly believed I was her. I harassed other members and tended to attack those who disagreed with me or called me out on my bullshit. I called others names and just acted like a total monster child. I was a stubborn, bullheaded, asswipe. I can’t even put into words properly how awful I was.

I also cannot put into words how sorry I am to the members of this community. Very few of them actually tried to put up with my shit and talk to me. The ones who didn’t, called me out. I don’t believe any of them attacked me back unless I provoked them. I can’t think of an instance where they started it first, at all. I could be wrong, but I believe they only snapped back when I started it first.

You guys can look back and see for yourselves.

I am so ashamed of myself and so sorry for what I did. I am so very sure that my actions and behavior started the downfall and abandoning of the site. And that makes me so sad, and very angry at myself. I managed to fuck up a perfectly good thing with my asswipe, obnoxious, delusional world.

I can’t go back and change things and the site is probably dead for good now. But I want those members to know that I am sorry. I know I’ll never be able to completely atone for my mistakes and behavior. I have ruined their sanctuary and I take full responsibility for that.

I am sorry for threatening you. It was a joke and I shouldn’t have taken it as badly as I did. That is unacceptable and I knew that even then, but I still did it regardless.

I am so very sorry for living in the world I had created for myself on your site. I should have taken that to another site more appropriate, such as a roleplay site. There are no excuses for my behavior.

I am sorry for being so mean and hateful towards everyone and anyone who showed me any kind of kindness. And those who did not and called me out. I was in the wrong, so so deep in the wrong.

And mostly, I am sorry for destroying your site. I ruined something great. I’m sure if I had found it now instead of when I had, it would have been great and none of you would have had to go through that shit. I’m positive the site would be thriving.

I just want you all to know that I am deeply sorry for what I did and how I acted. I know nothing I can do will make it better, but I just hope that you will accept my apology. ¬†I don’t expect forgiveness, as I don’t deserve it, I just want to make amends. I hope this reaches all of you and I hope one day the site will thrive again.. and maybe I might be a part of it.

Thank you to those who have read this.

 

As for the site and my username. The Goth Blog.  ivamp.

 

~Samm Sanity

Blaah

Currently Listening To:  The soothing thunderstorm outside.IMG_3794

The poor spider got blew out of her web from the high winds and her web tore. :c Poor thing. I got this picture after the thunderstorm had cooled down. It’s right outside my window.

 

Soo, I’ve been gone. No surprise there. :c Anyone else just get the overwhelming feeling of not wanting to do shit. You want to do it, but you’re just too tired or not wanting to do it? That made much more sense in my head.

So lately, I’ve just been either sleeping or forcing myself to get shit done. It sucks. I have to force myself to finish that drawing, or write down that goddamn idea for any of the stories I’ve started before I forget it(sometimes ultimately forgetting the damn thing anyway), or finishing the stack of DIY’s on my couch that just need like one more thing to finish them but I’m just not feeling it. I hate it. I hate that I have to force myself to do my favorite things, it sucks. ¬†Hell, I started this post three days ago and am now just trying to finish it.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, it may just be the lack of sleep. Even if I do get enough, I still take up to two naps during the day. Gaah, I hate feeling tired all the time.

Gotta get my ass in gear and get shit done.

 

Anyway, I figured out what to do with the graveyard fabric I got from JoAnn’s. I’m making a cute pleated skirt. I just finished hemming it and pleating it, I just need to sew across the top and sew the waistband and zipper on. c: I also used the cute pumpkin fabric it make a pin cushion. It’s more for my needles than pins, but it’s useful regardless. The instructions said to use a felt piece at the bottom. I don’t have felt, so I cut out a little pumpkin from the fabric and used that instead.

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There isn’t much else going on besides the re-doing of my little sister’s bedroom. That’s kind of cool. Uhmm… but nothing else, so I guess this is the end of this post. I shall talk to you guys later…. maybe.¬†

Byeee c:

 

~Samm Sanity